I feel like my life is a constant battle between wanting things like this
And wanting things like this
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Reasons to be kind
I often like to reflect on my actions and words and why I do them--mainly emphasizing on how I treat others. What is the reasoning behind the way I act, and am I making life easier or harder for others?
Something I've really been focusing on lately is the importance of being kind to those you don't necessarily like, even if they do not reciprocate or even aggressively attack you. It's been years and years since I've last cried over something others have said to and/or about me; I just no longer feel the pangs of insults by others, because I know that people are mean for a reason--jealousy, inner sadness, having a bad day, fitting in, etc--and I've realized it's not worth it to jeopardize my happiness just because someone is having a bad day.
I guess you could say I'm a little calloused from dealing with rude words over the years; I no longer care what people say about me. The good or the bad. I'm like that little Wemmick that no stickers could attach to. My belief is that you truly are happy when neither stars nor dots can define you. *
People are mean out of sarcasm, like it's some kind of funny joke to tease another. It's not. This is something I've always tried to stay away from; sarcasm is the cruelest use of words, because it celebrates another's suffering. I've seen enough cruelness and jokes made out of other people's individuality. I used to be pretty sarcastic, and then I realized how completely unfunny I sounded. Making fun of weight, age, or whom someone is dating, what their hobbies are--people make jokes out of all of this. How is any of that funny? Sarcasm is a bad plague that needs to be eliminated, because no one looks cool being mean.
Being kind to strangers is not enough--saying nice things to people we like is not enough--making a difference means communicating with only care, love, and inspiration to everyone. No life is made better by cruel thoughts. My goal is to stop thinking negatively about others--AND myself! It's easy enough--stop saying mean things. About anyone. To anyone.
*If you've never read You Are Special by Max Lucado, you really should! It's supposed to have some religious theme, but I think every person needs to hear the message on criticism and letting go.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
I'll follow you into the dark
So many things have happened since my beautiful winter wedding (a big post all about the wedding is coming soon). We knew it was a good omen when the snow started falling in heavy sheets of frosting during our reception. How whimsical and fairytale-like it was to drive away with my new husband in a world covered with innocent perfection.
We went to my cabin in McCall for our honeymoon, and it was absolutely spectacular. Every day we got the wood stove burning and there was like, four feet of snow on the ground. We went sledding and trekking a lot, but to be honest we played a lot of video games. Unfortunately Ethan got pretty sick toward the end so we left a little sooner than expected.
On the last morning of our honeymoon, however, only two days before we were supposed to leave on our grand adventure back to the state of NC, I finally brought up the topic we had both been thinking heavily upon but never really conveyed aloud. Why were we moving back? What were we going back to? We decided then and there that moving back to Idaho State would probably be more prudent than moving back to NC. Why?
The music department at AppState was phenomenal. They cared about Ethan and me, they saved my scholarship and studio spot for two semesters and were in constant contact with me about anything they could help me with. Dr. Park was of course the best counselor for advice anyone could ask for. Unfortunately it was the University that was giving us such grief. First of all, their requirements for becoming an in-state resident were crazy. You basically had to give them your kidney to qualify. Becoming a resident at all in NC is incredibly difficult (unlike becoming one in Idaho haha). Secondly, they lost my letter of deferment from the semester before, so while I spent a few months believing I was still accepted to the university, in reality they had lost it and therefore had thrown away all of my records.
I spoke to a distance counselor (who was quite rude), and she told me to reapply and send in all of my transcripts, and that there was still room for transfer students. So I reapplied, filled out my transcripts from Idaho State and AB Tech, and waited for my letter. Only apparently the school didn't have time to wait for my AB Tech transcript to come in (the semester hadn't ended yet, so the school couldn't send it until final grades were posted). So basically I had been screwed from the beginning of that process, seeing as the school couldn't wait for that last transcript. After me writing a fairly curt and snappy email, I received no more communication from the University.
So yeah. We got pretty screwed. And in the end, we decided that spending all of our money to travel across the country for a school we weren't even sure we could get into was not as desirable as it once had been. We also realized that, besides Ethan's parents in NC, the majority of the important people in our lives live here. And sure, graduate school we'll travel somewhere else and leave Idaho, but for now all that we love is around here--my five sisters and all of their children, my parents and grandparents, our loving friends and teachers--we need all of you. I no longer feel scared about my immediate future plans because we were coming home to welcoming arms and financial stability (the latter is especially important).
In the end, financially and educationally, we decided it was better to stay here at ISU. Ethan literally just had to walk up to the financial aid office, say that he was married to a resident, and his out-of-state tuition immediately waived. I can't believe the stark difference between the two schools. One school didn't care about me at all (save the music department); it was like they didn't want me to go to the school at all (even though I have a pretty good GPA). ISU on the other hand, was fantastically accepting and within great communication.
The only difference from the last time we attended is that I'm no longer a music major!! I still have a minor in music, but I decided to take a route that I have wanted (and been told incessantly by others) to go down. I am now entering the program for Elementary Education with an emphasis in English. Hurray! I'm still going to perform with the symphony and maybe get a double minor in piano performance. This probably means that I'm going to be in college for forever...but this is really what I want to do.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that all I want to do is teach; I want to make a difference in someone's life so they have assurance that they can do anything. All it takes is one person to convince another that they are good enough, that they can work hard and love others and do the best they can. I want to inspire others as I have been inspired. My heart goes out so deep to those who love to teach and raise such wonderful and bright students. I also feel like I am the type of person that can really make a difference in someone's life, I work well with others, and I love seeing change for the better.
It also helps that I used to teach art in an elementary classroom, and that I have been a nanny for every kind of child you can possibly imagine. I really have the kid thing down, to be honest. I understand them. I love them because I can teach them. And I love them because they are excited to learn.
So anyway, Ethan and I are back in Idaho for our undergraduate degrees. Graduate schools are a few years away, which gives us more time to set up financial stability and have a relatively stress-free beginning to our marriage. And of course the moment we return we get something like eight feet of snow. Welcome back!
We just moved into this tiny fully furnished 500 sq ft apartment. It's darling but it needs some serious decor. Which brings me to another conundrum. Sooo because we decided at the last minute to move back to Idaho, we seemed to have left LITERALLY ALL OF OUR POSSESSIONS in North Carolina. Luckily his parents live there so they can slowly ship it over to us, but ughhhh I only brought about two weeks worth of clothing. All of my painting supplies, all of our cool nerd paraphernalia, my books, and Ethan's giant TV were all left on the other side of the country. We do have all of our great wedding gifts which have been incredibly essential in our new home, but that still leaves out all of our books, paintings, posters, etc. to be rescued.
My parents are thrilled, and I can finally be the best aunt that I've always wanted to be. I would hate to be the distant aunt who is only seen once every other year (traveling back and forth is tortuously expensive). I am so happy that I can once again be a big part of their lives.
Truthfully, I think we needed that semester off, to clear our heads of the past and return to a fresh new land with the snow innocently covering the tracks we once made at this school
.JPG)
We went to my cabin in McCall for our honeymoon, and it was absolutely spectacular. Every day we got the wood stove burning and there was like, four feet of snow on the ground. We went sledding and trekking a lot, but to be honest we played a lot of video games. Unfortunately Ethan got pretty sick toward the end so we left a little sooner than expected.
On the last morning of our honeymoon, however, only two days before we were supposed to leave on our grand adventure back to the state of NC, I finally brought up the topic we had both been thinking heavily upon but never really conveyed aloud. Why were we moving back? What were we going back to? We decided then and there that moving back to Idaho State would probably be more prudent than moving back to NC. Why?
The music department at AppState was phenomenal. They cared about Ethan and me, they saved my scholarship and studio spot for two semesters and were in constant contact with me about anything they could help me with. Dr. Park was of course the best counselor for advice anyone could ask for. Unfortunately it was the University that was giving us such grief. First of all, their requirements for becoming an in-state resident were crazy. You basically had to give them your kidney to qualify. Becoming a resident at all in NC is incredibly difficult (unlike becoming one in Idaho haha). Secondly, they lost my letter of deferment from the semester before, so while I spent a few months believing I was still accepted to the university, in reality they had lost it and therefore had thrown away all of my records.
I spoke to a distance counselor (who was quite rude), and she told me to reapply and send in all of my transcripts, and that there was still room for transfer students. So I reapplied, filled out my transcripts from Idaho State and AB Tech, and waited for my letter. Only apparently the school didn't have time to wait for my AB Tech transcript to come in (the semester hadn't ended yet, so the school couldn't send it until final grades were posted). So basically I had been screwed from the beginning of that process, seeing as the school couldn't wait for that last transcript. After me writing a fairly curt and snappy email, I received no more communication from the University.
So yeah. We got pretty screwed. And in the end, we decided that spending all of our money to travel across the country for a school we weren't even sure we could get into was not as desirable as it once had been. We also realized that, besides Ethan's parents in NC, the majority of the important people in our lives live here. And sure, graduate school we'll travel somewhere else and leave Idaho, but for now all that we love is around here--my five sisters and all of their children, my parents and grandparents, our loving friends and teachers--we need all of you. I no longer feel scared about my immediate future plans because we were coming home to welcoming arms and financial stability (the latter is especially important).
In the end, financially and educationally, we decided it was better to stay here at ISU. Ethan literally just had to walk up to the financial aid office, say that he was married to a resident, and his out-of-state tuition immediately waived. I can't believe the stark difference between the two schools. One school didn't care about me at all (save the music department); it was like they didn't want me to go to the school at all (even though I have a pretty good GPA). ISU on the other hand, was fantastically accepting and within great communication.
The only difference from the last time we attended is that I'm no longer a music major!! I still have a minor in music, but I decided to take a route that I have wanted (and been told incessantly by others) to go down. I am now entering the program for Elementary Education with an emphasis in English. Hurray! I'm still going to perform with the symphony and maybe get a double minor in piano performance. This probably means that I'm going to be in college for forever...but this is really what I want to do.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that all I want to do is teach; I want to make a difference in someone's life so they have assurance that they can do anything. All it takes is one person to convince another that they are good enough, that they can work hard and love others and do the best they can. I want to inspire others as I have been inspired. My heart goes out so deep to those who love to teach and raise such wonderful and bright students. I also feel like I am the type of person that can really make a difference in someone's life, I work well with others, and I love seeing change for the better.
It also helps that I used to teach art in an elementary classroom, and that I have been a nanny for every kind of child you can possibly imagine. I really have the kid thing down, to be honest. I understand them. I love them because I can teach them. And I love them because they are excited to learn.
So anyway, Ethan and I are back in Idaho for our undergraduate degrees. Graduate schools are a few years away, which gives us more time to set up financial stability and have a relatively stress-free beginning to our marriage. And of course the moment we return we get something like eight feet of snow. Welcome back!
We just moved into this tiny fully furnished 500 sq ft apartment. It's darling but it needs some serious decor. Which brings me to another conundrum. Sooo because we decided at the last minute to move back to Idaho, we seemed to have left LITERALLY ALL OF OUR POSSESSIONS in North Carolina. Luckily his parents live there so they can slowly ship it over to us, but ughhhh I only brought about two weeks worth of clothing. All of my painting supplies, all of our cool nerd paraphernalia, my books, and Ethan's giant TV were all left on the other side of the country. We do have all of our great wedding gifts which have been incredibly essential in our new home, but that still leaves out all of our books, paintings, posters, etc. to be rescued.
My parents are thrilled, and I can finally be the best aunt that I've always wanted to be. I would hate to be the distant aunt who is only seen once every other year (traveling back and forth is tortuously expensive). I am so happy that I can once again be a big part of their lives.
Truthfully, I think we needed that semester off, to clear our heads of the past and return to a fresh new land with the snow innocently covering the tracks we once made at this school
PS Here's a cool drawing I did as we've been settling in.
It was requested by the lovely miss Emma Doupe
.JPG)
Sunday, January 6, 2013
The Vow
Some people
come into our lives only as whispers,
weaving
themselves through the patchwork of our lives,
creating
stitches of memories, but escaping as nothing but echoes of the past.
Some people are
inexorably taken from us far too soon, while some enter and leave our lives with no other
purpose but to make us stronger.
There are
some people who are only whispers passing through, but more important are the
ones who sing the song of our hearts until the end.
You have
been the strongest chord in the song of my heart, and I promise to always
cherish your voice as it plays in my life.
I promise to
love you unconditionally, with sincere admiration and the deepest loyalty.
I promise to
never let the voice of my love turn to a whisper, even when times are dark and
I feel quiet.
I promise to
be by your side no matter where it takes me, for I am now permanently woven
into your life and will follow you wherever you go.
I promise to
always be your best friend, to devote my life to building our fierce friendship
and remaining weird with you for all time.
I promise to
lift you up and be your support, to do all I can to help you become the person
you were always meant to be.
I promise to
love you with more passion and tenderness than could ever be fathomed. Countless
are the reasons I love you, and every day that I am with you I discover an even
deeper meaning to my love. You are the reason I have become the happiest I have
ever been in my entire life. You are my new reason and purpose in life. You
will be my everything, all of my heart and my mind and my actions, my love
and my best friend, for the rest of my
life.
Friday, January 4, 2013
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