Day off

I finally had a day off today. Absolutely exhausting week. Explored downtown Asheville on a crisp windy day all by myself, ate delicious gyros with a friend, and began some crafting for Halloween!

I took Ethan's old Captain Kirk uniform and altered it a bunch into a very cute dress. Unfortunately, I left out crucial shoulder lining so the arms are extremely constricting to the point where I probably need to rip out some seams and attempt to fix them. Overall I''m pretty excited about how it turned out. too bad I botched the arms.

Wintersun Time I is awesome you guys.
Waited almost a decade for this masterpiece. <3

Childhood

Dragons over Princesses

Once again I find myself sitting alone in my room, pondering the mysteries of Pokemon, Municipal Waste, life, and how much candy one can actually consume in a single sitting. I am also delving deep into an inquiry I have been chewing on for quite some time. And that is, well, why can't I be a super classy woman? Even more--why can't I have the desire to be a classy woman? All around me I see girls following the footsteps of idols such as Marilyn Monroe, Kate Middleton, Elizabeth Taylor...and some of those other classy ladies. Dapper young men swoon over the girls with proper manners and manicured nails and gleaming tans. Why can't I want that too? Often I feel like I'm obligated to want to have perfectly coiffed hair and wear sassy pencil skirts with stiletto heels; to wear dark red lipstick and dresses cut in the old style. People push and pull at women in a hard way, creating what I think is a lot of inner turmoil. Women are expected to be beautiful, classy, smart, but also play video games and sports and watch football and make food and pamper. In reality, however, we can really only choose a few of these characteristics. Some girls enjoy the more materialistic, beautiful lifestyle complete with red lipstick and hot rollers, and some girls choose fighting dragons in basements and eating candy.

Why am I not a classy girl? Because I can't love myself that way--I can't masquerade behind something I'm not. I love and admire the beautiful ones--the ones that scream Coco Chanel--but I can never be that. I'm too happy being weird and idolizing the realm of fantasy. I'd rather spend money on replica daggers and painting supplies than on shoes and pearls.

And suddenly I realize how happy I am about that. Right at this moment. I am so proud of girls who can find themselves in role models of elegance and grace, but I no longer look longingly at those who replicate the countenance of a 50's beauty queen barbie doll. I love being a girl who fights dragons and is content with casting spells in MTG, but also enjoys being pretty.

Being weird is a gift. Being beautiful is a gift. Although I will never be a classy, elegant woman, I will always have the gift of knowing who I am and finally being content with that. Never again will I be envious of something I'm not, because I know now I could never be happy that way.

 So lose the lipstick, the stockings, the diamonds, and give me some manga, a pair of running shoes, and a Frostmourne sword. 

This Year:

Hint for what's to come:

Craving evolution

Came across this rather interesting blog post the other day about the importance of never accepting your current position in life and keeping busy to better yourself as a person. I found it to be a very enlightening article about self-evolution.

Warning: really really strong language.

Being busy and not wasting time

First Comic Expo Experience

Today I awoke with the expectation of having a most relaxing Saturday due to the fact that I had no work today--draw, paint, play Lego Harry Potter game--but this was not to be. Chance be it, I opened Facebook to see a post for the Asheville Comic Expo today! I immediately dusted off my Silk Spectre costume and headed over.

 As luck would have it, Oktoberfest was being held this weekend in Asheville, so there was literally no movement in traffic and once I did finally find an available parking garage it was $10 flat rate for parking. Money was no concern today. This was my first Expo and I would enjoy it no matter what. 

The Expo was really neat; it wasn't too big, lots of people were dressed up and looking at booths and taking pictures everywhere. Walk over to a comic book vendor, immediately get asked by like, five people to have my picture taken with them. Okay! After many hours of having pictures taken, wandering around, offers to cosplay at other conventions, I decided to see what gaming was going on. Uhh...MTG Booster Draft. Never played it, but it was $13 and I got to keep the cards that I opened (from the new set Return to Ravnica). So, okay...me and seven guys. Cool. 

Sadly though, I didn't realize that draft took approximately 6784673 hours, therefore I missed the costume contest which I was really looking forward to. To make it even worse, I got completely destroyed in draft. After first round I was like "can I just go? Please?" So I played my two games and left. Got some more offers from people who were "going to get me in for free at the after party", bought a Doctor Strange book, got some more phone numbers from random dudes, and finally left.

Of course, being me, I got devastatingly lost going back to the parking garage. At the busiest time of day in the heart of downtown Asheville--and everyone was drunk. So I was lost, in my Silk Spectre outfit, as all these drunk people kept whistling and making comments and asking me millions of questions (I know I know, what was I expecting, right?). Anyway, finally made it back to my car, completely exhausted. I'm so grateful I got to experience this!

I guess the most valuable part of this experience was that I went by myself. No care was given, so I was half naked in front of hundreds of strangers? Who cares! Don't think twice about it. Own it. Keep a straight face when faced with drunken comments and whistles. I'm me. I don't care that I showed up alone at a convention when everyone else had a group of friends by their sides. I was awesome. Don't care that I lost draft. Own it. It took some courage, people. Really it did. 

Khaleesi

Rainy Day Cinnamon Rolls

Woke up to a crisp overcast Sunday morning--my absolute favorite kind of day. The ideal weather has no hint of afternoon sunshine or warmth, just beautiful clouds that envelope me in their grayish hue. It  also happens to be general conference weekend: a weekend held dear to my heart due to the fact that my mother would always make delicious home made cinnamon rolls for the occasion. So, in the spirit of my wonderful mommy I made my own cinnamon rolls--which are actually really difficult because I SUCK AT YEAST. I always kill my yeast. Anyway, here is my recipe for the most mouth-watering, fluffy, delicious cinnamon rolls you can imagine.

Warning: These are huge and gooey and magical. I can only eat about one or two before I've absolutely had enough; they are that good. 

Side-note: The original recipe was written down in an extremely confounding manner (which led to me adding an extra cup of sugar to the dough...) so I re-wrote it for easier deciphering.

INGREDIENTS

Rolls
3 1/2 c. Warm water
6 Tbsp. yeast
1 c. Oil
3/4 c. Sugar (for the dough)
3 beaten eggs
1 Tbsp. salt
10 1/2 c. Flour
2 cubes butter (but not for the dough. Don't put this in the dough.)
2 c. Sugar (NOT FOR THE DOUGH)
4 tsp. cinnamon
Non-stick spray
String or doubled thread

Frosting
Butter
Powdered sugar
Milk
Vanilla extract

*orange rinds/real orange juice optional

INSTRUCTIONS
Rolls
1. Mix water, yeast, oil, and 3/4 cup sugar together. Let stand for 15 min. 

     Note: Mix the yeast with bath-tub warm water. Not boiling, not luke warm. Bath-water. 

2. Add eggs, salt and flour. Mix well.
3. Sprinkle flour on clean countertop. Divide dough in half. Roll out to size and shape of large cookie baking sheet.
4. Mix 1 c. Sugar with 1-2 tsp. cinnamon in a small bowl. Spread 1 cube of butter on dough. (I used less) Sprinkle cinnamon mixture evenly over dough.
5. Roll up dough and pinch seam closed. Mark 12 sections with knife, then cut with string or doubled thread. This part is so fun. Place rolls on non-stick spray coated baking sheet. Don't bother trying to space them out, they will just mush together in a giant pile anyway.
6. Repeat butter smearing, cinnamon sprinkling, roll rolling and cutting steps with other half of dough.
7. Set oven to 400° and let rolls rise for 10 min. while oven is preheating (or until they look like they've risen enough. If you've killed your yeast they will be super flat). When oven is heated, bake for 15-20 min.
8. Let cool almost completely before frosting.

Frosting: 
1. Mix ingredients together to get the desired consistency (less milk and vanilla for thicker frosting, more milk for thinner frosting or more like icing). I like to make it really thin like a glaze. 

Also, when I split the dough into two halves, I used one part to make cinnamon rolls and the other part to make orange rolls. Just grate some of the rinds and squeeze some of the orange juice into the frosting. Soooo good. 

Anyway, these are the best cinnamon rolls ever. They turned out wonderfully, even though I accidentally added an extra cup of sugar to the dough. Perfect for a stay inside and cuddle cloudy day. 

Depth and Vanity

One of the most profound feelings in life is looking into a mirror and finally saying  aloud "Okay. I like this. I worked for this." And I mean this in both a very vain and a very inward aspect. How many of you look into the mirror and think that to yourself? You look in it everyday, but do you see? Do you care what you see?

I have worked so hard to become what I am--both mentally and physically, thus I feel I deserve the right to be a little vain...but y'know...humble too. Vainly humble over what I have achieved.

I'll be the one body-acceptance-hating person on Earth who doesn't think it's okay to say "I am enough. I don't need to change anything about myself. I'm perfect the way I am. Screw what other people think." This is such a sad way to view yourself---that it's okay to turn from what you could be just because it's intimidating to work hard in order to be better. This is not freedom. This is caging yourself in a deep fear masquerading as self-acceptance. This is a facade that society tells you it is okay to wear.

We are not enough--we are not perfect. There are always ways to grow and change and find potential both inside and out; it is not enough to be fat and slothful and think "well I'm smart so nothing else matters. I don't care about being in shape just because society tells me I should." What a turn-off.

How wonderful it is to care. It's incredibly rare to find people that care about the broader spectrum of living--those that go beyond their set limit of potential, the ones that don't need self-help books and inspirational little quotes expressing that they're a special snowflake that deserves a pat on the head. I mean the well grounded people; the ones that observe themselves in the mirror and know that there is something lacking in the reflection, that there is and always will be something lacking. These are the people that are the true explorers of themselves; they know the caverns and crevices of their body and soul well enough that they can mold and shape their very being to the way they desire.

Every time I return to the mirror I am reminded of My Personal Alice, staring back with those starry eyes, haunting me with a past of self-destruction. Fortunately I have come to realize who the real soul is and how to keep it to myself. I see clearly what I admire about myself and I also recognize the areas in which I need betterment. I especially encourage others to take a long hard look in the mirror (naked!) each day to break down that facade until the day you can really see yourself and think "Wow, that hard mental and physical work paid off." You'll see it, trust me. You'll know.

Find inspiration within yourself; you don't need books and quotes and lectures from celebrities telling you how to love yourself. You discover how to love yourself, no matter what that entails. Love yourself wholly, and never settle for"accepting" yourself. There is no acceptance in freedom. LOVE yourself.  No one needs an author to tell them that--we have that immense pool of unfathomable power and inspiration dwelling inside of our souls.

Never be intimidated by your reflection. Never tell yourself you are good enough. Never stop learning to be better and greater than you were before. Never stop loving yourself for who you can and will become.

Armed

I waited patiently for what I thought was a cute little Frostmourne replica key chain I had ordered off of the internet. What I expected was a small plastic figurine...

Instead they sent me a legitimate dagger. It's extremely sharp and could probably do some serious damage if I were to sit on it. How am I supposed to carry this around? Oh wait, it's me. I will definitely carry this around. I am in love with this beauty, and I feel awesome.