Change of plans

I always had real ambition for my future plans. I always knew I would be an artist, or a musician, or some kind of thespian. I've been naturally good at hobbies that involve creative and artistic expression, so it was a pretty simple decision from the beginning.

However, not everyone is good at what they like, or like what they are good at. I love science, and I've been pretty good at it. I was pretty heavily involved with environmental science and biotechnology research, but didn't take my devotion that seriously. In my junior year of high school I intern-shadowed at the EPA, and since then I knew that that was what I really wanted to do; I wanted to join the EPA or BLM to promote wilderness protection and clean water acts. Honestly, I was pretty obsessed.

So in college I declared a double major in music performance and earth and environmental systems. I tried my first semester to focus mainly on my music curriculum but threw in some science as well. I got extremely good grades in all of my classes (except for, you know, that B+ in math) so I figured I could handle a heavy load. Second semester I got A+s except for my failed math class. Too many music classes and geology classes were coinciding, so unfortunately I could no longer be the superwoman I always thought i could be. Grrrr.

I never thought I'd get married in college either. I was a pretty terrible person my first year of college. Won't go into it. Anyway, met Ethan my first year of school--both of us were in awful relationships at the time so we didn't get around to hanging out much. Cut to summer, playful banter over texts, we're friends, he asks me out on a date first night in Pocatello.

We were never apart. I said it then and I'll say it now, I seriously would have married him the first month into our relationship.

I never thought I'd be one of those girls. I kind of poked fun at girls who found a guy in college immediately out of high school, dated for about 3 months, and were married before their 19th birthday. I wanted to be successful, live out in the world. Travel. Etc. I wanted to wait until I was settled and had my career on track. NOPE.

And you know what's funny? I was always shocked at girls that married so young. Like, you don't even know who you are at this age! How can you build your own personal self when you're never allowed to just be you? Suddenly you're a "we" and no longer an "I". How can you create and mold yourself when you're no longer independent? Then it really hit me. I find out who I really am through my partner. He cracks me open and helps me mold myself to my real potential. I am more of myself than I was before. Nothing is being tied down. I can still travel, and write and play and have my own ambitions. A partner is there to help you love yourself. I do love myself, but not more than I love my fiancee. He shows me how to truly love. Someone who shows you how to truly love yourself is the best thing anyone can ever have.

Now I live in North Carolina, going to a community college and working full time so I can go to ASU in the spring. Getting married in December. Crazy stuff, people. Never thought I'd have to take an easy semester to work for school, I was always driven to succeed and move onward. Guess life has a funny way of forcing us to change plans.

 It's been an incredibly eye-opening experience. Sure, I'd been to Virginia when my family lived there; been to DC and Florida and around the South. I traveled clear across the country to move to a strange place with strange southern baptist people. I left all familiarity behind. Do you know how strange that is? It's not like moving to Washington or Oregon or Utah. I'm in a whole new culture. People with strong accents that I have a hard time understanding. The humidity. The cicadas. The lack of vast, beautiful skies like Idaho has. The curvy sick-inducing roads.

I really do love it. Luckily I found some shops in Asheville that have weekly D&D/Pathfinder groups, Friday Night Magic, and other people like me. I'm glad there's a group I can seek out when I feel lonely and disassociated from my familiar setting. We rafted the Nantahala river yesterday in a little two-person duckie and I had a wonderful time. I love having the misty blue mountains enveloping me while I run outside. I love the roads that make me feel like I'm driving on the Indiana Jones ride in Disneyland. I love the rednecks here. Boy, we thought we had rednecks in Idaho. I feel comforted by the night-time noise that chirps me to sleep.

I'm so happy here. Sometimes adventures are scary, and I was prepared for that. I'm a world away from my family, and that makes me sad. But I'm finding out about the world outside of the west coast. I'm making a life from my own decisions. I'm glad I made this choice. I miss the familiarity of my old home, but I love the excitement of finally being on a journey in my life again.