The things in life

First of all, my heart goes out to the Sandy victims; although we got a heavy dosage of cold, wind, and snow, we didn't experience it even relatively close to the caliber that those in the North did. Much love to my friends, and my thoughts are going towards a swift recovery. I forget how fortunate I am to have a family that is constantly prepared for the worst. Although it's Idaho and we hardly ever get inclement weather, I feel much safer with my ten year food and water storage. This is a note to self: always have a vast food storage in case of emergency.

Halloween was sort of a letdown, in the respect that I sat at home, ate candy, and helped Ethan write an English paper. I did, however, get to wear my Captain Kirk dress to work, and I also put on my Janna outfit that night just for the fun of it. Guess I can always save it for next year! I am looking so forward to this weekend. I bought tickets for Ethan and I to attend a Time Traveler's Masquerade Ball Saturday night, and I've been working on a lovely Steampunk outfit. Now all I need is to find Ethan something to wear. I love being included in these fun activities, it feels wonderful to have friends that I can relate with, dress up in cosplay, and talk about lame things without being openly mocked. I'll take lots of pictures and update on the awesome night.

I'm having such a difficult time staying motivated lately. Motivation for exercising, eating healthy, getting enough sleep, being productive, the general important things in life. When you're so used to having constant motion and cyclical habits in your life it is very difficult to shift behavior when things are slow and settling. I work long hours and don't often feel like working out--my excuse being, "well, I walked a lot today and didn't eat very much, so I don't need to do Insanity" or "it's windy today, I don't want to run". These are very lame excuses, but after a few days it becomes easier to convince myself that they're acceptable.

Beyond my lack of motivation for exercising, life is wonderful. Every day I come home with the realization of how lucky I am to have found the partner that I did. I'm so glad I don't have a relationship based on drama, insecurity, jealousy, distrust, or self-importance. This is key, and it's unfortunate I did not learn it sooner. I have started viewing my relationships differently: the old adage is "you should learn to love yourself more than anyone else", which I used to believe and lived by. And what a selfish person that made me; I put my own interests and insecurities before those that I loved, and because I was so obsessed on my flaws and trying to better myself (in the hopes I would love myself) I was completely neglecting the needs of others. How can we focus on building lasting and loving relationships when we are so focused on ourselves? I believe the opposite: we should love others before ourselves, because only through external help and care can we truly find what we admire most in ourselves.

I love myself more now that I have someone to spend the rest of my life with than I ever have before. Although I know I still have many flaws, the positive attributes of my life have been resurrected by this wonderful person. It's funny how life works out. Loving others more than yourself is truly the only way to find inner peace. There is no other way. People will show and guide you to greater happiness--the right people will, at least. The more you love and guide these people, the more they will help you find your inner beauty and happiness.

Hextech Janna for you all.