"Free" "Time"

Due to my husband's departure to Boise at 5:30 am this morning, I will be home alone for the next several days, meaning that I am in full control of the PS3, kitchen, bed, and floorspace for beadspriting. I can have all the solo time I want!

Hah, oh wait. That free time thing I don't have. 

I have officially entered the realm of impossible tasks; I literally (read: literally) have had no time to do anything besides homework, classes, practicing (barely), tutoring, and occasionally sleeping. Me sitting here, feverishly typing away, is the first time in an incredibly long time that I have had a moment to myself, and I'm actually skipping a class as we speak. I know I shouldn't complain--I'm the girl who loves to stack her life full of every single possible activity--but I guess this is the semester that I finally came to the realization that I physically can't do everything. I can't be the best at everything. I have to let some things go. Even though I am still excelling, I'm feeling my physical and mental abilities dwindling--on the days that I do get an hour or two of "free time", I'll head to the gym to eek out a heart-bursting workout to make up for the previous day I missed. Besides my evenings with Ethan, this is pretty much the only time of day where I feel completely serene and free. 

Bonus points! I've been PRing in all of my runs the past two weeks, and I've been trying to do at least four miles every day. I guess that's a good thing?

I love all of my classes, and I think that is my problem. It's just not enough for me to do well, I want to really make a difference in each one of my classes. I don't simply go to complete assignments and get a good grade. I want to immerse myself as deeply as possible in all of the subjects, for they are things that are directly applicable to my life, so why waste my time trying to slide by instead of blowing everyone else out of the water?

It's actually thrilling--trying to do everything. It's proving to the world that there are real superheroes: ones that can teach, perform, create, analyze, write, etc. I want to be all of these things. 

However, in my quest to be great at everything, I am coming to the realization that I can't keep this up. I have to unlearn learning. I have to realize that not everything is a top priority. I need to make a change.

So how does one prioritize when everything seems equally as important?

I tried something new out today. I had a big quiz on IPA consonant locations today, and instead of freaking out and crying because I didn't have enough time to study in-depth, I just didn't do it. I didn't try to study every waking second; instead, I read some articles online, listened to music, practiced my viola. 

And you know what? I rocked that quiz. Sure I glanced at the material and reviewed some notes, but instead of slamming my head against the wall in stressful agony, I filled the few minutes between classes with things that relaxed me. And I felt better. 

It's give and take. I'm slowly learning how to take, because between tutoring a million unresponsive and underdeveloped students, drawing commissions, practicing and playing for a million musical things, reading eight books for each class, preparing classroom lesson plans, cleaning the house constantly, helping friends with their dilemmas and trying to impress my teachers, I am feeling kind of neglected. 

I recently read an article for my elementary music methods class about how children should just be allowed to play during their free time. PLAY. With no purpose, no educational intent--just pure, free, playtime. It was studied that children who were allowed to just play games of their own imagination instead of the ones with a structured educational plan and purpose, learned so many important lessons on self-regulation, behavior, cognitive development, etc. It is immensely important that children are given "free time" to alleviate stress, regain attention, learn social skills, and develop better abstract thinking. 

Should this be any different than what we as adults do? I feel like we value productivity so much that those who really take advantage of "free time" are looked down upon as lazy or unmotivated. I do not believe this to be any kind of boon to our society. Adults, too, should be allowed to "play" with no educational purpose or practicality. If you wanna play video games, do it! If you want to read a book or write poetry or make bead sprites or sleep--do it!! 

So, starting after next week (the week of hell), I am going to set time aside for free time, even if it means sacrificing a few 100%s. This does not include: going to the gym, sleeping, eating, or cleaning. And honestly, I don't really want it to include computer either, unless it is involved with writing poetry (I'll be too tempted to finish that last assignment or paper).

I don't care if it's lazy or unproductive. I just want it to be free.