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Waiting for sleep, I shut my eyes tightly to keep

the starry tears from floating away into the night,

upward into the darkness that envelops my restless senses.

I inhale, breathing in the crispness of my curse--

a method of the soul; a rich intake of

unquenchable wishes and miraculous destiny.

I drink it in, filled again with passions beyond fathom;

lustful and desirable like a Siren chained to her sins,

I exhale love-songs to enchant and ensnare, crooning to the heart,

beckoning to go into arms that will never hold requited love.

But like the falling sun I must return my splendor--gone is the starlight

dazzling ‘cross my face;

gone are the sprinkles of moonlight behind my eyes,

I am nothing—an empty shell with thistled and empty arms,

a heart that howls with unbridled passion.

I inhale, and the intoxication becomes me,

laced with the drunkenness of mania I stumble down the stairs

into madness.

Darkness.

I only wish to leave you,

forget you,

encounter dreams in which your presence is absent.

I yearn to be free from the 

 too-much

too-often,

and too-alive.

The truth of my existence.

I no longer miss the curves of desire that wrap around my naked being,

the ache of others to have my eyes sadistically turn them away.

I wish nothing more but to return to a clearer haven,

to flee from the horrors of my desolated caverns.

I must depart from the dreadful smile that shadows my every touch,

the one that captivates the world  but drives its owner mad,

for I know she will never let go.

I will begin a canvas with a softer stroke, a clearer

brush to dress the wounds. A portrait still untouched by darkness.

I have this journey in my hands—a palette with paint not yet muddled and torn by my own disaster.

And for the last time, I exhale you.